


a love so deep (the ocean would be jealous)

by chorima



Series: it comes in waves [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Emotional Constipation, First Love, M/M, Summer Vacation, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-07-08 23:17:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19877722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chorima/pseuds/chorima
Summary: Donghyuck loves summer. He loves the warmth of the sun rays on his tan skin, he loves the way some strands of his hair become lighter, the smell of the ocean, the taste of its salt. He loves the freedom to be lazy. The freedom to be adventurous.But most importantly, Donghyuck loves summer, because summer means Mark.





	a love so deep (the ocean would be jealous)

**Author's Note:**

> this is part 2 of a series, but you don't need to read part 1 to understand this one  
> i made a lil [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5HTe1DJrF3DP1FEcbJqkBt?si=9p7jsdOGSjefvTj7BFDZ6Q) and a [moodboard](https://twitter.com/cosmoIuda/status/1158821793534238722)  
> please enjoy^^

As a kid, Donghyuck used to be quite problematic. Loud, egoistic, whimsical, moody... He had it all ( _ we hit the jackpot _ his parents would say to their friends). An example of this would be the first time he and Mark met.

Mark and him are now attached at the hip, have been for a few years, but the truth is that their relationship didn't exactly start with the right foot. Donghyuck doesn't really remember, they were little kids after all, but his parents make sure to remind him every once in a while, in that tone parents use to tease their children until they storm out of the room, only to then act surprised of their attitude.

It was one of the hottest summers up until that year, so the beach was crowded with people trying to run away from the heat. Everything felt humid and sticky, not really comfortable for anyone, but especially not comfortable for four-year-old Hyuckie, who had been on the edge of throwing a fit the whole day. His parents tried everything to calm him down (setting the umbrella, giving him juice, watermelon or ice-cream to cool him down), but miserably failed until his dad, desperate, took him to the shore, where the sand was wet and cool, where there was a light breeze, and started building sand castles with him.

That was the only thing that seemed to work: the kid was invested in his buildings, and even if the waves came and destroyed it all, he laughed and splashed water everywhere and kept filling his toy buckets with wet sand while his dad attempted to repeat the process.

It all went downhill when another kid – Mark, – kneeled down next to them and, without asking, grabbed one of Donghyuck's toy rakes and started “helping with landscaping” (Donghyuck's dad's words). Donghyuck stared at the kid in disbelief, a frown on his chubby baby face, tears forming on his eyes and threatening to fall down his cheeks at any given moment, and his lower lip trembling with way too much rage for what it should be considered healthy for a four-year-old.

Once the first tear ran down the child's cheek, he started crying in such a way that most people thought he'd been stung by jellyfish. He was howling and the snot running down his nose prevented him from breathing and made him hiccup. His dad had to hold him and lightly sway his little body from side to side in an attempt to calm him down, and even after he stopped yelling, he still hiccuped and moaned. While all of this happened, Mark just sat there, quiet, his big eyes open wide, a pout on his lips and his head cocked to the side, trying to understand what he'd done wrong. At some point it looked like he was going to cry as well, but then his mom arrived to find out what was going on and held him, and the tears forming on the corners of his eyes dissipated.

“ This isn't yours, Mark, give it back, baby,” she urged him. The child, still pouting, tried giving the toy back to Donghyuck, but he was hiding his face on the crook of his father's neck and refused to take it back, so his dad did instead. “Now, what do we say?”

“ Sorry,” the boy quietly said.

Donghyuck's dad smiled warmly at Mark. “Don't worry, champ, he's just a little moody today,” he explained, “but he'll be happy to play with you any other day.”

That was, in fact, not true. It took Donghyuck a while to get used to Mark's presence. Best case scenario: every time the older kid arrived, Donghyuck would try hiding his toys away so Mark wouldn't try to take them. Worst case... Jellyfish-sting-level howling.

Eventually his parents taught him that it was not okay to be so selfish and that he needed to share, and Mark's existence got overall less annoying and more fun. Especially because Mark's toys were fun too (who would've thought that if you shared your things with someone they would share back? Crazy).

⨳

Donghyuck has always been the one with the crazy ideas, but Mark is also guilty of always agreeing to be his accomplice, from smaller things like tricking their parents into letting them stay up late, to bigger stuff, like the tree house.

Ever since he watched the Phineas and Ferb episode in which they build a cool-ass, intricate-looking tree house, Donghyuck has been obsessed with the idea of having one for themselves.

“ Think about it, Mark, having a tree house would mean no rules but our own! We could put all of our stuff there and have sleepovers and no one would be there to tell us when to go to bed, stop eating Cheetos or playing video games!” He explained, enthusiasm seeping through his pores. “We're almost ten! We can't stay in your room with your cousin Johnny forever!”

What Donghyuck didn't expect was for his little motivational speech to have any effect on Mark, but it did, because after days of begging and crying, his best friend got his father to agree to build a tree house for them in their backyard.

It wasn't as impressive as the one in the Phineas and Ferb episode, that's for sure, but Donghyuck was thrilled to have a shared space with Mark, a safe one too.

“ First rule: no adults,” he said as soon as they climbed in. They had agreed on making the rules and sealing the deal with a blood pact or something – although Mark wasn't much on board with the blood part.

“ Okay,” the older agreed. “Second rule: no girls.”

Donghyuck frowned. “You don't even know any girls,” he protested. “Even if you did, who tells you they would want to hang out with you?”

“ Yeah, but... y'know, like in the movies.” Mark tried to argue, his voice becoming lower as he realized Donghyuck maybe had a point. He thought of his neighbor, Jungeun, who was around their age. They never talked, but she seemed cool, the intimidating kind of cool. He was sure she would never want to go into their fort, even if he asked. Not allowing girls in was kinda stupid, if he thought of it that way. “Okay, you're right. Girls are allowed. Johnny's not.”

“ Now we're talking!”

Over the years, that tree house has seen them eat popsicles until their brains froze, laugh until their tummies ached, and stay awake until sunrise, too busy talking and playing to care about sleep. It has witnessed many reunions that ended in silly plans, many conversations that have grown deeper as they matured. It is a monument to their friendship, and the memories it holds will never leave them as long as it stands.

⨳

Old habits die hard, and Donghyuck is no exception. Even if he'd learned to embrace the "sharing is caring" philosophy – more or less – when it came to his stuff, he was still that trouble child when it came to people.

Especially Mark.

At school, there was no problem being part of a group of friends. He'd be fine, he wouldn't get mad or feel left out. But Mark is the only friend he had to himself, the only friend that gave him all of the attention at all times, that always laughed at his jokes and followed him without questioning anything. He was special, and Donghyuck couldn't even fathom the idea of having to share his friendship with someone else.

But the day comes when Mark arrives to Donghyuck's house with another boy, slightly shorter than them, a jet black fringe that covers his eyebrows and a friendly smile that annoys the shit out of Donghyuck. He wants to punch him, but he knows Mark will get mad.

"This is Jaemin," he says. "I met him the other day at the beach."

Donghyuck barely waved back at Jaemin, something that the other won't ever let him forget, something that he'll probably bring up at Donghyuck's funeral.

But not waving back isn't the worst thing he's ever done to Jaemin. He always pretended to forget his name, never invited him over – if he ended up at his house, it was because Mark has always had a very big heart, – always got him to do the stuff no one wanted to and once even kicked him out of the tree house with the excuse that he was not part of the club, and that to be a member him and Mark needed to discuss first. That last time was the first Jaemin's smile wrecked, the closest Jaemin had been to crying as he climbed down the ladder, and of course the eldest of them all noticed.

"What is wrong with you, Hyuck?" Mark frowned, his arms tightly crossed over his chest. "You're being mean for no reason at all. I want to be friends with Jaemin, he's nice!"

Donghyuck's face and neck were a deep shade of red, mostly because of how embarrassed he was that his friend noticed.

"I don't like him," he shrugged.

"He did nothing to you!" Mark protested.

"Yes but you'll end up liking him more than me and leaving me behind!" Donghyuck blasted out.

After the initial shock, Mark dedicated his best friend a half smile and patted his head, reassuring, while he explained that no one could ever replace him, and then promised he would never leave Hyuck, no matter what.

Donghyuck decided that he should apologize to Jaemin, who turned out to actually be okay. It took him a while to get used to having another person there, to be fully inclusive, but it eventually happened. And the next time, when Jaemin brought Jisung to the group, or when Chenle started hanging out with them, it just felt natural, easy.

His relationship with Mark wasn't affected in the slightest: it was still them, with their private inside jokes, the same stupid sense of humor, the same old memories. They hung out with the group a lot, yes, but when it was only them two things were still the same.

⨳

It's been a rough school year for Donghyuck, this one. The thing about fifteen-year-olds is that most of them think they know everything they need to know in life, they think they are wise enough, mature enough, experienced enough. But not Donghyuck, and it has definitely been hard witnessing all his classmates being so sure of themselves, talking about their dream universities, going on dates, while he struggled to find out what his true passion is, to be able to put a name to whatever is happening in his head.

"Don't worry too much about it," his mom had replied when he voiced his concerns to her. She'd given him a half smile as she cut vegetables for dinner. "No one ends up marrying whoever they dated in school, and most of these kids will change their minds about what they want to major in at least five times before graduating high school," she explained, solemnly. "It's okay to not have things figured out, you're too young, you still have time!"

Perhaps she was right.

However, summer vacations were still very much needed, and Donghyuck spent over a month counting down the days until the break.

The first few days after arriving to their beach house – his grandparents' beach house, to be exact – were super boring. Usually there is someone already there when Donghyuck arrives, but this summer he's the first one to be there.  _ It's not that bad,  _ Donghyuck thought at first, optimistic. He's on vacation after all, and he'll be with the squad before he notices time has passed. Well, he was dead wrong. The first two days or so were fine, he joined his family on their trips to the beach or ran errands for them and kept the change to buy some sweets for himself. Besides, he had his old Nintendo DS and a puppy named Coco that had been waiting for years to be fed and taken on walks. He didn't have time to get bored, because he either was busy or fallen asleep, getting the very well-deserved rest he needed.

However, he soon grew tired of all of it. Summer vacation can be hell, all that free time and nothing to do with it, no one to enjoy it with, just a family that enjoyed sunbathing and long walks on the beach and a virtual dog that gave him a false sense of accomplishment every time he managed to teach him a new trick.

"Do you think I'd be good at training dogs?" He asks one night, after winning the gold medal in the Obedience Trials. He's idly watching Coco shake his little head and biting the trophy he just won. A very good boy, if Donghyuck does say so himself.

His dad scoffs, not tearing his eyes from the newspaper he's reading.

Donghyuck frowns, lowering the DS so he can look at his father. "What?!" He asks, outraged.

"Nothing..." His dad replies, still not looking at him. "Maybe if you worked on your patience first then you'd be great at training dogs."

Donghyuck's mouth hangs open, his frown grows deeper. "This is ridiculous! I'm super patient!"

His dad finally looks at him, and his right eyebrow is raised, skeptic. He doesn't say anything for a second, as if trying to come up with the right words.

"If you're really as patient as you say... Why can't you act like a normal person until your friends come?" Donghyuck purses his lips, still giving his dad a dirty look. He knew something like this was coming. "Jaemin and Mark are arriving tomorrow, and you have been acting like you're going to die alone. You mom told me she almost leaves the whole day yesterday because she couldn't stand your whining. And you think you can train a puppy." He lets out a loud laugh and gets back to his newspaper, shaking his head.

Donghyuck doesn't move an inch. He's frozen.

Mark's coming tomorrow.

He knew about Jaemin, they have been talking and coming up with stuff to do while the whole squad isn't together. But Mark hasn't mentioned that he's coming sooner than expected.

"Mark?" He asks once the initial shock wears off. "Tomorrow?"

"Yes, tomorrow night. I thought you knew?"

"No, he... He didn't say anything."

⨳

Donghyuck decides that sending Mark a text asking for an explanation isn't worth it. So he doesn't, even if it causes him not to sleep at night, very tempted to open Mark's chat. But if he hasn't said anything he may have a reason, right? Maybe he wants to surprise him and Jaemin with a triumphal entry.

The next day, when he goes over to Jaemin's to welcome him and his family, he mentions it, incapable of holding his worries back anymore, and Jaemin frowns.

"What is he hiding?" The younger boy asks, more to himself than to Donghyuck. Neither of them know the answer, so they let it go. Or at least Jaemin does.

Being with Jaemin is a breeze of fresh air in Donghyuck's life. Since they are the same age, they get each other and their struggles quite well, and they usually talk about things they wouldn't mention to their friends at school, because they know there is no judgement. Even if they stay in Jaemin's room – the weather isn't the nicest, really – it's already different from previous days, and no less fun than going out. It's not like they do much, anyway. Jaemin rambles over and over about his classes – he's having a hard time with Bio and History, which are bringing his GPA down, and his parents don't like that one bit – and his cute classmate Hyunjin, a guy that he says, "has the most beautiful smile in the world." Donghyuck thinks that's bullshit. The guy with the most beautiful smile in the world is Mark, obviously. The puffy undereyes, the shape of his cheekbones, the shadow of dimples on his cheeks... He doesn't say it, though. He shakes the thought off of his head and tries to swallow the lump on his throat.

"What about you?" Jaemin asks with a dreamy sigh after half an hour of ranting about the mole under Hyunjin's eye. "Do you like someone at school?"

Donghyuck doesn't reply right away. Not because he's embarrassed to, he trusts Jaemin, but because he doesn't know the answer. Does he like someone at school? Well, it's complicated. He guesses so, since he really enjoyed kissing Choi Soobin that one time playing spin the bottle during their school trip to Daegu. It made him realize that there was a reason why he wasn't that interested in going on dates with girls, and he couldn't keep his eyes off Soobin during the rest of the trip, a deep shade of red creeping up his neck every time they made eye contact. However, it didn't last that long. He even felt something curl up inside his gut when he thought about Soobin.

"I liked this guy for a while," he replies after remembering it. "Choi Soobin. He was nice. But I'm not interested anymore."

"Why not?" Jaemin frowns. "You're so boring. This girl in my class already hooked up with two guys in the locker room and here you are, crushless." Jaemin clicks his tongue in disappointment, crossing his arms in front of his chest and shaking his head.

Donghyuck frowns. "Look who's talking, I bet you can't even go near Hyunjin without shitting yourself!" He snaps.

Jaemin stares at him, eyes narrowed, for way too long, being way too silent, but Donghyuck holds the eye contact. He's stubborn, he's not taking it back. Jaemin looks like he's wondering whether if it's worth it to try to argue with him. He seems to decide it's not.

"So, about Mark," he says instead, changing the topic of the conversation, and Donghyuck's heart does a somersault inside his chest, "I say that if he didn't care to tell us he's coming early, we pretend not to know he's here and ignore him." Donghyuck breathes again when Jaemin doesn't ask him about what he feared he was going to ask him about.

The boy nods, trying to cover up the fact that he almost started freaking out. "Yeah, it's what he deserves for being a shady bitch. What is he hiding, anyways?"

Even though Donghyuck doesn't want to bother the Nas (they just arrived, after all), Jaemin's mom practically forces him to stay for dinner and even calls his parents herself to tell them it's no problem so that they don't scold him once he's back. In the end, he's glad he's staying, because Ms. Na is making dumplings and he really loves the way she makes them – even better than the ones his mom makes, but shush.

He didn't intend to, but he stays until it's pretty late. His day with Jaemin just consisted on them catching up and watching a drama they both like, but it feels like he already did so much more just by not staying the whole day inside his own room.

When Donghyuck gets home, he kicks off his shoes as silently as he can, trying not to startle his parents and earning himself a scolding for being late and messy on top of that. He goes upstairs as fast as he can and lets out a sigh of relief once he closes the door of his room, leaning back on it while waiting for his breath to go back to normal.

But then –

"Hey," a familiar voice says, and when he looks in the direction it's coming from, his eyes open so wide he thinks they are going to drop from the sockets. There he is, wearing his denim shorts, his Vans and a shirt too big for him.

Mark.

Donghyuck wants to scream, but then he remembers he doesn't want his parents to kick his ass, so he does everything in his power to collect himself and instead only whisper-yell "what the fuck,  _ what _ the fuck."

Mark chuckles, getting up from Donghyuck's bed. "Are you not happy to see me? Do you want me to leave?" He asks.

Donghyuck walks forward, and Mark opens his arms to embrace him, but what he gets is a punch on the shoulder – not a very soft one, by the way – instead of a hug.

"Fuck you, Mark Lee," Donghyuck whisper-yells, yet again, while Mark rubs where Donghyuck hit him, confusion drawn all over his face. "Why didn't you tell me you were arriving today?" He demands.

"I wanted to surprise you," the older says, shrugging, and he suddenly looks like the five-year-old he was when they met.

"You know I don't like surprises, you loser," Donghyuck reprimands. It's really not true, he loves surprises because it means someone thought enough about him to do something cute for him. He just pretends he hates them so people keep doing it. His parents should've never told him about reverse psychology. He makes himself comfortable on his bed, patting the space next to him to indicate Mark that he can sit there as well. "How long have you been here waiting?"

Mark sits next to him and shrugs again, "I don't know, like an hour?"

Donghyuck is going to hit him again, but Mark flinches so he feels bad and lowers his fist. "And you didn't call me?"

"I would have ruined the surprise!"

What Donghyuck likes about his relationship with Mark – one of the many things – is that it never gets even a little bit awkward. He has witnessed many relationships dying down with the passing of time, but not theirs. Even if they spend many months apart, once they get back together it is as if they never left each other's side. Donghyuck is still his clingy, annoying self, and Mark is always the one who's willing to go down every rabbit hole with him, even if reluctant at first.

It was already pretty late when Donghyuck arrived home, and time runs extra fast when he's with Mark. They talk and talk, so much that by the time Mark leaves, Donghyuck doesn't remember half of their conversation. He just lays down in bed with a deep, dreamy sigh, an arm slung over his eyes to block out the light of the only lit lamp in his room, a tired but warm smile starting to form on his lips.

It doesn't matter that he doesn't remember. After all, summer's long. There’s time for more memories.

⨳

Summer's indeed long, and this one will go down in Donghyuck's memory as the summer of his firsts.

It's the first summer they go camping, a tradition that will follow many years. It's Mark's idea, for a change. He suggests it one night when they're all at the tree house, Chenle and Jisung with their heads very close together while the older watches Jisung play Mario Kart on his DS, Jaemin idly going over Mark's old Pokémon photocard collection, and when he speaks his mind, everyone suddenly looks up at him with glimmering eyes – even if it causes Jisung to drive off a cliff in the game. Mark says his cousin Johnny would go on camping trips with his friends back in America and tell him how fun it was, so it sparked his curiosity, and everyone seemed to share that same thought. It was hard convincing everyone's parents (especially Chenle's and Jisung's, who didn't quite trust the older boys with the safety of their children), but in the end, they gave in. And it was hard at first, so Johnny had to go with them – reluctantly, but that's what he gets for putting ideas into the minds of impressionable children – to help them set up the tents. And it turned out to be a mess because Jisung drank so much Coke that he wasn't able to sleep and Jaemin had to stay awake to take care of him. But it was also fun, and different and exciting, and they collectively agreed on doing it again next year, and on hiding Jisung's incident from the grown-ups.

It's the first summer Donghyuck dares to jump off the highest rock in the beach, after years and years of trying and then slowly backing off despite Jaemin being a pain in the ass and teasing him for not doing it. This year he's decided to do it, so he does. He almost chickens out again when he's standing on the edge and he looks down to meet the waves crashing against the rocks, but then Mark holds his hand reassuringly, tells him to breathe, to close his eyes and, before he knows it, both of them are making their way to the surface for air. He won't forget the adrenaline rushing, his heartbeat loud in his ear, Mark's cheers of joy and, of course, Jaemin's annoyed expression once he realizes he won't be able to tease him about being a coward anymore.

It's the first time ever he even tastes alcohol. Many people back in school used to brag about sneaking some of their parents' expensive liquor bottles out of their cabinets and having a taste and then "getting super hammered," but Donghyuck was not one of those kids. That is, at least, until Jaemin does it and brings a bottle of soju to the tree house one night when it's just the three of them: Donghyuck, Jaemin and Mark. And what's he supposed to do? Say no to Jaemin? Na 'I-can-make-you-do-anything-I-want-you-to' Jaemin? Of course not.

The taste is not that bad, at least not to him. He sees Mark squeeze his eyes shut and scrunch his nose in disgust, and Jaemin cough a little, not used to the burn. But it's fine for him, and finds himself asking for more.

It's not the first time that he kisses someone, but it is the first time that he kisses someone that matters. It is that same night, after Jaemin leaves – almost falling down the ladder – because his parents texted him to go back home. It's just him and Mark and a silence that's never awkward – those don't exist between them. Donghyuck's head is spinning slightly, so his eyes are shut close when Mark speaks.

"I think I like boys," he whispers.

Donghyuck slightly opens his right eye and looks at Mark through his lashes. The older boy's head is lolled back, his back resting against the wood and his eyes closed as well. Donghyuck isn't shocked by the confession. Instead, it makes his insides start to tingle and his hands start to sweat.

"You think?" He asks quietly, finally opening his eyes.

Mark shrugs, and his eyes open too, but they don't meet Donghyuck's. Even if they know each other like the back of their own hand, Donghyuck can't decipher whether Mark is nervous or ashamed, or maybe both. He shouldn't be, but Donghyuck knows it's not something you can help. The only thing he can do is be there for his friend and acknowledge his feelings, not belittle them.

"I'm not sure, I have never  _ done  _ anything with a guy. I don't know if I like it."

"You never had to do anything with a girl to know you like them, did you?" Donghyuck asks. "It's the same." Mark grunts. Perhaps his logic isn't exactly helping. Donghyuck swallows hard and licks his lips before speaking, "you can kiss me to confirm it, if you want to," he says without thinking about it twice.

Mark stares at him in silence for a few seconds and Donghyuck almost regrets ever speaking up. He should've left when Jaemin did, and he wouldn't be in this situation. He would be sleeping it off instead of slightly tipsy and waiting for Mark to decide if he wants to kiss him or not. Yes, it was definitely stupid to even suggest it, of course Mark will say no, they have been friends for, like, forever.

"You'd do that for me?" Mark asks.

"Sure, why not."

Before he knows it, Mark's hand is on the back of his neck, pulling him closer. It's messy, really messy. Their teeth clash, and Mark uses way too much tongue for it to be enjoyable. Donghyuck lowkey wishes he was kissing Choi Soobin again: it had been soft and slow, and he tasted sweet. But it's still Mark, so he can't really complain.

"Sorry, I know it was bad," Mark apologizes once he pulls back.

Donghyuck chuckles, wiping the saliva off his lips with his sleeve, "yeah, no shit," he snaps. "But don't worry, we can practice whenever you want. I can't let you go around kissing people like this, it's embarrassing."

That is also the summer when he first comes clean about his feelings to himself. It's late at night, the moonlight seeping through the curtains of his room, and he can't sleep. He can't stop his thoughts running around inside his brain as much as he tries. So he sighs, reluctant, and decides it's time to stop trying to convince himself that he doesn't feel like being more than Mark's best friend. That summer is the first time he admits he's in love with Mark.

⨳

Donghyuck loves summer. He loves the warmth of the sun rays on his tan skin, he loves the way some strands of his hair become lighter, the smell of the ocean, the taste of its salt. He loves the freedom to be lazy. The freedom to be adventurous.

But most importantly, Donghyuck loves summer, because summer means Mark.

It's obvious that, since they are so close, they keep in contact all the time: they text everyday (even if it's only to share stupid memes), Skype once a week (at least when they're not busy), and sometimes make quiet calls at night when either of them can't sleep and needs the comfort of the other's voice. They tell each other everything: exam dates, grades, afternoon plans, arguments with their parents (this is mainly Donghyuck's territory, but Mark has been stepping into it more frequently these days). It feels like they have never left each other's side. Except for the fact that they aren't, you know, physically there. Which sucks, but there's little they can do about it.

Mark does go visit Donghyuck once and stays at his house during the weekend. It's not the first time Mark visits Donghyuck's hometown, but it is the first he stays there for longer than a day, so Donghyuck gets to show him around and hang out at his favorite places with his favorite person. He takes Mark to his favorite ice-cream shop (the one that puts extra sprinkles in all of his orders), to the PC café where he is already known for how much time he spends playing and how little he has improved since he started coming (his win to lose ratio isn’t looking very great) and to the park where he used to spend his evenings as a kid.

He even takes Mark to watch the soccer team of his school (the one he used to be a part of before he broke his leg and his mom forced him to drop earlier that year). Donghyuck knows Mark doesn’t really care for soccer, but most of his friends are there practicing and it is exciting for him to see both of his worlds collide. 

There is also a devilish, petty little part of him that makes him get up and wave, screaming Choi Soobin’s name to draw attention to himself as soon as he sees the boy running in the field. Soobin waves back and smiles at Donghyuck, and that devilish, petty little part of him goes back to sleep, satisfied with the outcome.

“He was my first kiss,” he answers when Mark asks who he is. “Cute, isn’t he?”

“I didn’t know that was your type,” Mark mumbles after eyeing the other guy, who’s already focused on the game again.

Donghyuck likes to think that’s Mark’s way of showing jealousy. He likes to think that even if Mark sucks at showing it, he cares about him in that way. That would give him a reason to keep going back to Mark, a reason to keep accepting his sloppy kisses and awkward strokes. 

He doesn’t know how the whole “i’ll teach you how to kiss” thing turned into “let’s make out to avoid boredom, let’s make out because it feels nice.” What he does know is that he can’t stop it, tell Mark that it can’t keep going, even if it sometimes hurts. At least in this way he gets to have Mark, to pretend reality is just like his dreams. To pretend Mark actually likes him like  _ that.  _

He’s willing to take the risk of getting his heart broken if it means Mark will hold him in his arms like he’s the only person that matters in the world.

So he lets things go on the whole summer.

Most of the time, especially in front of the others, they act just like they always have. They are best friends, after all. They still act silly, crack the same jokes, Donghyuck still likes to get in Mark’s nerves. But when nobody can see, Donghyuck lets Mark absentmindedly hold his hand (like that time at the fair, when the ferris wheel stops with them on top, and Donghyuck thinks his heart will stop when he looks over at Mark to see his side profile with the fair lights shining bright in the background), he lets Mark kiss his cheek goodbye at night, he lets Mark wrap his arms around his body when they share a bed at sleepovers.

Perhaps that’s what bothers Donghyuck the most. That Mark never acknowledges anything ever happened between them. 

They never talk about it. Not even after the first time it happens. There’s no “I don’t want to make things awkward” talk, and there’s definitely no “what are we? Do we have feelings for each other?” talk. And at first Donghyuck doesn’t think about it, but the further things go, the most his thoughts end up going down that road.

The only thing that keeps him from breaking down is the hope that Mark will come around and confess his true feelings at some point. 

Donghyuck never thinks about saying anything to their friends. Especially not Chenle and Jisung (he knows them well enough to know they wouldn’t let them live if they knew, and if there was anything that could make things awkward, then that’d be it). 

Sometimes Jaemin will talk about his crushes and make-outs, and these times Mark will cross Donghyuck’s mind, almost asking to be talked about. But Donghyuck says nothing. It’s better that way. Not only because he doesn’t want to be teased, or to make things complicated in their group (which he doesn’t), but also because he is kind of ashamed. 

See, he has an image. He’s always the assertive one, the one to have people wrapped around his finger, the one who gets anyone to do anything for him. But not Mark, apparently. He’s ashamed to let anyone know that he’s stupid enough to let his feelings get hurt by a boy who doesn’t like him like that. He’s ashamed to have feelings for his best friend, of all people. He’s ashamed of how weak he is.

But things never go as planned, at least not in Donghyuck’s life.

It’s a sunny day, so they are at the beach. There’s this cove they all usually go to, especially when there’s a lot of people in the main beach of the town. This way they won’t be bothered, and they won’t have to worry about bothering others with their loudness. 

Chenle and Jisung have tricked Mark into going near the shore to look at something with the intentions of splashing him with the freezing cold water, which they do. So they are now fighting, chasing and pushing each other into the water. 

Donghyuck and Jaemin are laying down on the sand, looking at them in silence. In such a silence that it’s even weird. Donghyuck knows something’s coming, because when Jaemin is so quiet it can only mean one thing. Whatever is on Jaemin’s mind, though, is beyond Donghyuck’s imagination.

“What’s going on between you and Mark?” He asks, his eyes still fixed on the other three boys.

The question knocks the air out of Donghyuck’s lungs, so he doesn’t answer right away. He looks at Jaemin out of the corner of his eyes, trying to see his face, trying to decipher whether he  _ knows _ or he’s just asking in a teasing way (with Jaemin, you never know).

Jaemin turns his head towards him. He knows, he definitely knows. “I saw you two. On Saturday when we went camping.”

Of course he did. To be honest, it’s their own damn fault, his and Mark’s, because who the hell makes out by the fire pit during a camping trip, in front of all the tents, and expects no one to see? For all they know, even Jisung and Chenle could have seen too. 

Donghyuck realizes he hasn’t said anything when Jaemin clicks his tongue, tired of waiting for an answer, looking back at the other three boys still playing around in the water. At this point, there’s nothing he can say to defend his honor. He’s pretty much confirmed everything, nothing he says will make Jaemin think that maybe he dreamed it, or that it wasn’t what it looked like. There’s no way he’s getting out of the situation.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaemin asks, and there’s a hint of sadness in his voice, like he’s just realized Donghyuck doesn’t trust him, which isn’t true. God, he really fucked things up, didn’t he. Him and his stupid hormones and feelings.

He licks his lips. “Because it’s nothing,” he says. “I didn’t tell you because it’s just fun and games and it happens every once in a while and literally nothing else. I don’t want it to be weird.”

Jaemin is looking at him with his eyes open wide, as if Donghyuck admitting he casually makes out with Mark was the most scarring thing he’s ever had to hear.

“Whoa, wait,” Jaemin says, raising his hands as if he were trying to physically stop Donghyuck. “It’s happened before?”

Donghyuck hesitates to answer, but then he realizes the cat is already out of the box, so he might as well just tell the whole truth.

He takes in a deep breath. “Remember last year when you snuck out that bottle of soju and we drank it at the tree house?” Jaemin nods, his eyes fixed on Donghyuck again. “Well, after you left he said he thought he liked guys but that he wasn’t sure since he’d never kissed one… y’know, Mark’s stupid reasoning. So I offered to kiss him. And we have been doing it every now and then.” He shrugs, in a way he hopes comes off as nonchalant. He doesn’t want Jaemin to make a big deal out of it, so telling him about his actual feelings is a duty he will leave for future Donghyuck. “It’s-”

“Hey guys!” When Donghyuck looks up, he sees Mark in front of them, reaching for his towel to wrap himself in it, water dripping from his hair onto the sand, and a goofy smile on his lips. “What were you talking about?” The smile fades away when he sees Donghyuck and Jaemin’s serious faces.

“Nothing,” Jaemin says, and he’s suddenly cheerfully smiling, so Mark’s body relaxes. Donghyuck’s going to owe him, big time. “I was just telling Hyuck about this very disturbing documentary on religious cults my parents were watching last night. Since he likes spooky stuff.”

Mark doesn’t ask any more questions, and Donghyuck is really blessed Jaemin is such a good pretender. Maybe in the future he’ll be ready to confront Mark and force him to talk about their… situation. But not right now, and definitely not in front of Jaemin.

Their afternoon goes on smoothly, to the point where Donghyuck almost forgets Jaemin now knows about them. That is, until the time to go home for the day comes, and Jaemin gets really close to him and whispers, “don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” And although the way Jaemin says it sends shivers down his spine, Donghyuck is at least relieved that his secret is indeed safe.

⨳

The days eventually grow shorter, the nights get chillier, and people start to leave their vacation homes to restart their busy lives after a well-deserved vacation.

Chenle is the first to leave, and everything kinda feels empty without his laugh echoing around them at all times. After he’s gone, the only way to get Jisung out of his room is to send Jaemin to annoy him until he can’t handle it anymore and just gives up. Once Jaemin leaves, though, there’s nothing neither Donghyuck nor Mark can do to get him to hang out with them.

“You guys are boring,” he says once, when both of them show up at his house. Jisung leans his head against the door frame, and he’s very good at showing his little interest in them by staring at the screen of his phone instead of making eye contact with either of them.

“We’re not boring!” Donghyuck exclaims, lifting his fist in a threatening way, but Jisung barely even acknowledges it. 

“Okay, my bad,” he apologizes, but the tone of his voice can’t be any less genuine. Donghyuck is sure some day (sooner than later, unfortunately) Jisung will take over him as the “mean girl” of the group, and he’s not sure if he should be proud of his legacy or annoyed by his behaviour. “You guys aren’t boring. You’re  _ super _ boring. You two are too into each other to notice me and you never want to do anything I want!” He protests. “So I’d rather be at home. Bye, losers!”

So it’s just him and Mark, just like the old times, which is great. Until it’s not.

They’re in Donghyuck’s room after having dinner, both of them sprawled out at each end of the bed, idly scrolling through their phones. They have music playing in the background, but it’s just a quiet noise after Donghyuck’s mom came up to his room three times to ask them to turn the volume down (by the third time, Donghyuck could already hear her stomping up the stairs and turned it off for good before she slammed the door open, giving him deadly glare, to which he responded with his best angel face. Of course, she didn’t buy it).

Donghyuck, who’s very invested on this silly game on his phone, only raises his eyes from the screen once he hears Mark let out a scoff.

“What are you laughing at?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“What?” Mark probably doesn’t realize he’s made a noise, so he looks startled to hear the question. “Oh, nothing. I’m just talking to this girl from my class.”

Donghyuck hums, going back to his game without giving it much thought.

“Her name’s Jinsook. She said I look cute in that photo you took of me the other day.”

“Oh, you posted it? I didn’t see,” Donghyuck comments, willingly avoiding the part where Jinsook thinks Mark’s cute.

“Yes, it’s on Facebook.”

Of course Mark would post it on Facebook, because he’s a grandpa apparently. “You need to get an Instagram account,” Donghyuck huffs, incorporating and leaning his back against the headboard. 

Mark ignores him, “You think she’s flirting?” He asks.

Donghyuck shrugs. To be honest, she probably  _ is _ , but he isn’t really in the mood to talk about this right now. It’s fine, really. He’s heard Mark talk about his crushes plenty of times. Like that guy who lives next to Chenle’s, Yukhei (or how Jaemin likes to call him, the hottie around the corner). Mark talks about him constantly: about his goofy smile, his toned muscles, his “intense gaze” (literally Mark’s words, because of course  _ he _ would notice something like that and find it attractive). But Donghyuck doesn’t care, no ugly feelings like jealousy arise, it’s all fine, for real. He has seen Mark talking to Yukhei in a few occasions, and he turns into a mess: he laughs at literally everything the boy says to the point where he can’t have a normal conversation and he has hit Yukhei more times than Donghyuck can count as a result of his laughing fits. Every time they speak Mark becomes the embodiment of the shy girls portrayed in movies, and while others find it lame (Jaemin and Jisung make sure to call him out on it every time), Donghyuck can’t help but find it endearing. 

So, yeah, not a problem for him. He’s fully aware of what his chances are.

“Do you want her to be flirting?”

“Maybe,” Mark admits. “She’s cute.”

“Let me see,” Donghyuck asks, getting closer to Mark so he can get a better view of the screen of his phone.

And, yes, she’s indeed cute. The first thing that catches Donghyuck’s attention are her big, almost cat-like eyes. She has a cute button nose, and rosy lips. She looks kind when she smiles, almost like an angel: her smile shows the upper row of her perfectly white teeth, and her eyes almost disappear. He guesses she could be Mark’s type.

“She’s on the gymnastics team,” Mark comments. 

“Looks like you’re really into her, huh.”

“I mean… She’s pretty amazing. And she seems to be interested, so…” He trails off. “But what do you think?”

What Donghyuck thinks is that Mark should, for once, look at what’s in front of him instead of fooling around. He thinks that he’s a dumbass for not realizing he’s been there all along, and that if he’s just asking people out based off whether they’re interested or not, then he should be asking Donghyuck on a date on the first place. But he doesn’t say. He’d rather Mark finding out on his own rather than being open about his emotions.

“Why do you care what I think dude?” Donghyuck asks, and he sounds more annoyed than he would have liked. “It’s you who’s gotta like her, not me.”

Mark stays silent for a moment, then he pulls away from Donghyuck, typing something on his phone.

“Done,” he says, “I just asked.”

Later that night, when Donghyuck is laying in bed alone, waiting to fall asleep, his feels his phone vibrate on his bedside table, so he turns around and unlocks it. And there it is, a text from Mark saying Jinsook has agreed to go on a date once he gets back.

He furiously wipes a stray tear that falls from his right eye and locks his phone again. He’s trying very hard not to cry, burying his face on the pillow to muffle his sobs and closing his eyes as hard as he can to keep the tears in. And it works for a while, but once he thinks he’s calmed down, once he’s breathing normally again, he suddenly breaks down.

It hurts. So. Bad.

More than that, his chest feels empty, like his heart has gotten ripped out. His head feels heavy, the tears running down his cheeks burn his eyes and feel hot against his skin. And the more he wants it to stop, the more out of breath he gets, the worse his sobs get. 

But for the pain to stop, he needs to stop seeing Mark as well. No more false hopes, no more daydreams, no more  _ kisses _ . 

He’s done.

They’re done.

⨳

Over the years, Donghyuck’s and Mark’s relationship has never changed, which is something Donghyuck has always appreciated very much. Until he needs it to change, in a way or another, for his own well-being. 

It is very hard at first. So hard that it actually makes his chest hurt, like he’s being put under a tremendous amount of pressure, so much that sometimes he can barely cope with it and he breaks down in tears. His mood worsens considerably every time he chooses not to text back, not to reply to the posts he’s been tagged in. And a black cloud follows Donghyuck for days every time Mark doesn’t notice his absence, every time he believes any of the excuses Donghyuck makes up because, how can he not notice?

But in the long run, it gets better. The chest pains go away, he can breathe normally again, he doesn’t care if Mark doesn’t notice how he’s slowly slipping away from his life. Eventually he forgets about the heartbreak, and even if sometimes he finds himself missing his touch, his warmth, his laughter... he heals.

⨳

Or so he thinks. Ignoring Mark over text is way easier than ignoring him in real life, where they see each other so often that it seems they live in the same house. It’s hard to ignore him when he has to see him every day, because even if he says he doesn’t want to go out and makes up different excuses, everyone will show up at his place and it will be even worse than going out, because Mark usually stays later than the rest of the group.

Avoiding Mark is an exhausting task, one that Donghyuck will be able to keep up for only so long. So the best thing he can do is shove his feelings aside again. Pretend nothing ever happened, just like he did all along, and hope it works out better this time around.

⨳

One thing Donghyuck wasn’t expecting was having another member added to their group, but when Jisung introduces them to Jeno, a family friend who’s staying at Jisung’s with his parents during the holidays, curiosity immediately sparks.

Jeno is the same age as him and Jaemin. He doesn’t seem to be really comfortable around them, not even around Jisung, who he supposedly knows the best, so Donghyuck makes it his job to make him feel included when he hangs out with them. Yes, focusing on making a new friend will be enough to keep his mind off Mark.

⨳

“Isn’t Jeno super cute?” Jaemin asks. 

It’s the day after they met the other boy, and the two of them went for a walk on their own after dinner. They ended up at this milkshake place they enjoy going to because Jaemin craved something sweet.

“Super cute,” Donghyuck replies, and when Jaemin looks at him with an eyebrow raised, he shrugs, “I mean, it’s hard not to notice.”

“You’re not into him, are you?” Jaemin asks, narrowing his eyes a little. He takes the straw to his lips and sucks on it, totally judging Donghyuck.

“We met him yesterday!” he defends himself, his voice high-pitched. 

Jaemin seems to be pleased with his answer, because he smiles widely, shaking his body in a way that makes Donghyuck want to not be associated with him. “Good,” he says then after drinking some more of his milkshake, “then I won’t have to fight you, because i’m  _ so _ gonna ask him out.”

Donghyuck’s eyes open in surprise. “You are?”

“I would be hella dumb not to, wouldn’t I?” Jaemin shrugs. “Summer is for having fun, and what’s more fun than fooling around cute guys? Besides, if it goes wrong I’ll never have to see him again, so. No biggie.”

Donghyuck can’t deny Jaemin has a point. 

“I hate to ask this,” Jaemin says, putting his milkshake aside, “but I feel like I have to.” Donghyuck gulps. God knows what Jaemin is going to ask. “How are things with Mark going?”

“Why do you feel like you have to ask?” Donghyuck frowns and crosses his arms over his chest. 

Jaemin sighs. “Because Mark told me you’ve been acting kinda weird around him. And you were the one saying you didn’t want to make things awkward, so…” He trails off.

Okay, maybe he  _ does _ have a point. He didn’t want to make things awkward, true, but that was before, that was when things weren’t already totally fucked. Right now, avoiding Mark is the best he can do for himself, but… maybe not the best he can do for the group. Not the best he can do for Mark.

“Oh my god, you’re literally in love with him, aren’t you?” Jaemin whines, tilting his head all the way back, scrunching his eyes shut.

Being quiet around Jaemin for too long is never a good idea, and Donghyuck needs to keep working on it if he intends to keep more secrets. 

“I’m not in love with him,” Donghyuck quickly denies, but he’s afraid it’s already too late, because there’s  _ something _ on his friend’s eyes that tells him Jaemin doesn’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth. He’s willing to keep trying, though. “It’s just that, I don’t know. I feel like it’s better to stop. He’s been with people, and I don’t feel comfortable doing that anymore.” 

Jaemin squints. “You’re full of shit,” he concludes, going back to his milkshake and giving Donghyuck a weird look, with his eyebrows raised knowingly.

“I’m not!” He protests, bothered. Why does he care so much, anyway?

“Whatever. I just think that it’d be better if you explained you bullshit excuses to him instead of avoiding your literal childhood best friend. You owe him.” 

“Why doesn’t he ask me directly, if he’s so curious?” Donghyuck asks, defensive and bitchy. But he’s right, why does he have to be the one to always take the first step? 

Jaemin groans, rolling his eyes. “Because you’re one and the same. Two fucking dumbasses made for each other, ugh!”

⨳

Talking to Mark isn’t on top of Donghyuck’s bucket list. He’s been avoiding him for a reason, and it makes it way more uncomfortable now to have a serious conversation. However, he still tries. Mostly because Jaemin won’t stop pestering him over text (especially when they’re all hanging out together, because he knows how uneasy Donghyuck gets at the mention of their secret in a setting where someone can find out). He knows how to get under Donghyuck’s skin just right, so the boy eventually gives in, and asks Mark to meet at the tree house.

Where it all began.

“What did you want to talk about?” Mark asks after a moment of awkward silence that feels like forever for Donghyuck. 

He sighs. “Jaemin told me you said I’ve been acting weird.”

Mark’s lips form a perfect o shape. “I see.”He says quietly. “Yeah, I may have commented on it.”

“Why do you think I’m being weird?”

Mark stays silent for a second, thinking of the way to word what he’s about to say.

“We barely talk like we used to. And sometimes things will be like they’ve always been, but then it will feel like you’re avoiding me.” He explains, eyes glued to his hands. Donghyuck doesn’t blame him, he doesn’t think he would be able to look at Mark in the eyes either. “I’m afraid I made things weird or something.”

Donghyuck is very uncomfortable, like ants are crawling under his skin. They’ve never had a conversation about this, they’ve never mentioned it out loud, and the fact that he’s gonna have to acknowledge it makes him want to throw up.

He doesn’t know what to say. The truth is, things  _ are _ weird. But does he want to say that to Mark? Does he want to worry him, to risk pushing him away even more? No. At the same time, is it better to lie? 

He takes a deep breath. He’s not gonna lie, but he’s not gonna tell the whole truth, just like with Jaemin, he decides. “Things are weird, you’re right. I like what we had, it was fun. But I guess it doesn’t feel as right if you’re seeing someone. Like…”

“Jinsook?” Mark cuts him off, looking at him through his lashes with a sad half-smile. Donghyuck’s stomach turns. He remembers how he felt so vividly to this day, it still burns a little. “Yeah, I noticed. And I totally get it, don’t get me wrong. But I’m not seeing anyone now, so…” He trails off.

There’s something inside Donghyuck that bursts out. Something that he’d tucked away nicely, that he’d put in a box and hidden in a part of the closet he couldn’t reach, so he wouldn’t be tempted to go and grab it. But now it’s out, and there’s not much he can do about it.

His legs start shaking, and he tries to hide it by wrapping his arms around them, but it doesn’t work that well because he doesn’t feel strong enough to hold his emotions in. He didn’t know Mark could affect him that much, since he always liked to fool himself into thinking that he was the one in control – a blatant lie, but one that he chose to believe, – but after all the time he spent suppressing his feelings, all the time he forced himself not to think about Mark, to forget the way his hands felt on his skin, to erase from his memory the sound of his heavy breath after way to many kisses… After all that time, he allows himself to remember how it was like, and damn, does he miss it. He misses Mark so much it physically hurts his chest.

“What does that mean?” He asks when he finds the strength to speak without stuttering. Yes, he’s admitting to himself once again how he really feels. But he can’t allow anyone else to know he’s weak.

Mark doesn’t say anything. Instead, he gets up to sit on the floor next to Donghyuck. His breath hitches when Mark’s hand rests on his knee and he turns his head to realize just how close they are. It’s been a long time since they’ve been so close, and he’s nervous, so nervous he thinks his heart might give out. Mark leans in a little, hesitant, and lays soft kisses over Donghyuck’s jaw, making his way to his mouth. Donghyuck is frozen into place still, trying to process it, trying to calm himself down. 

Mark’s gentle when he moves his hand from Donghyuck’s knee all the way to his neck, caressing his body on the way, sending shivers down Donghyuck’s spine. He’s gentle when his thumb caresses Donghyuck’s cheek and brushes against his lips. He’s gentle when he leans in for the lips, pressing his against Donghyuck’s softly, but not so hesitant anymore. And Donghyuck lets himself melt into it, because he’s weak for Mark, because he misses how good it feels to have someone want you. 

He lets out a deep sigh once Mark pulls apart, but before he can be embarrassed about it Mark kisses him again, way more intensely this time. He doesn’t know how he ends up straddling Mark’s lap, with his arms looped around the older’s neck, letting him suck and bite on his lips. What he does know is that, just like that, he’s hooked. Again.

⨳

Things go well for them for a while. Like they were before, when Mark didn’t develop crushes on people and actually pursued them, when Donghyuck was okay with pretending everything was just a game. He now knows it’s not a game, but he tries not to think about it. He knows he’s gonna be heartbroken in the end, so he might as well let go and enjoy for a while. 

Jaemin gives him a funny look when Donghyuck tells him how things are going with Mark (aka: “we’re still best friends who sometimes make out”), but he doesn’t say anything. Donghyuck is thankful that his friend is keeping his not-so-constructive criticism to himself for once. He doesn’t need the negativity, not when he already spends most of his nights chasing dark thoughts away from his brain so he can sleep. 

But, unfortunately, sooner than later shit hits the fan.

At first, when Jungeun and her friend approach Mark at the beach, Donghyuck doesn’t think too much about it. She doesn’t really talk to them, but sometimes she’ll say something to Mark that will make him blush – years later, he’s still scared of her. But this time she doesn’t look like she’s trying to embarrass Mark, and she keeps pointing to her friend, who stands slightly behind her, shy. That’s when it hits him: Jungeun is introducing them, probably trying to set them up. 

Donghyuck tries to hide his discomfort by turning around and burying his head in his own arms, pretending he wants the sun to tan his back too. In reality, he’s pretty much close to crying in anger and embarrassment, but he can’t let the rest know. Especially because Jeno is there and Donghyuck doesn’t want him to think he’s a crybaby. He’s never even cried in front of Jisung, he’s not gonna show weakness to the new boy.

Mark doesn’t say anything when he comes back from talking to Jungeun and her friend, and Donghyuck surely doesn’t ask. Maybe Mark isn’t interested in her after all, right? He will just let it go and worry when there’s something to actually worry about. 

But it’s not easy to let it go. Not when Mark spends his days glued to his phone, texting with the dumbest smile on his face, and quickly – suspiciously – locking it and putting it away every time anyone comes too close to him. 

He might think he’s slick, but Donghyuck knows him better than the other may think. And that’s code for crush.

Mark’s never been the best at keeping secrets, really. Like that time Jaemin spent a whole week at the hospital after breaking his leg during a bike race, and Mark ruined the surprise “welcome back!” party they’d organized. But this time… this time it looks like he’s taking it to the grave. He’s not good at hiding it, but he never talks about it. That is, until truth or dare.

When they go on their yearly camping trip they usually play cards or Mark brings his guitar and they talk and joke… But Donghyuck guesses that Chenle and Jisung are entering that age where they turn annoying and like to gossip and tease. And he would be lying if he said he’s already done with that phase: he’s just as annoying, and would kill to embarrass Jaemin in front of Jeno – or just making him uncomfortable, because Jaemin is not easily embarrassed.

But right off the bat Chenle asks Mark whether he has a crush. And Donghyuck’s heart skips a beat, because for a moment he has the feeling that Chenle knows somehow and is trying to expose them and humiliate them. Then, he remembers Mark actually has been acting weird, and does have a crush, and he can breathe again. For a moment, though, while Mark thinks about answering or not.

"I actually like this girl, Sungyeon. I think I'm actually seeing her at the fair next weekend, so yeah. I'm excited, I guess." Mark says, and Donghyuck is convinced that being punched in the gut would be less hurtful. 

But he has to pretend, once again, that he’s made of stone, that nothing can break him. 

“Is everything okay?” Mark asks, once they’re inside their shared tent, ready to go to sleep.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” Donghyuck frowns.

Mark shrugs, “I don’t know, you seemed off.” 

“I’m just tired. And sick of mosquitoes.” He says as an excuse, facing away from Mark. 

The older doesn’t insist. And like that, they go to sleep. No goodnight kiss like other times, no cuddling until they fall asleep. 

Donghyuck thinks, maybe it’s for the best.

⨳

The fair comes around sooner than Donghyuck would have liked. He’s not in a good mood, hasn’t been for a couple of days now, and Jaemin is worried, because he’s refused to tell him what goes on – not like it takes a rocket scientist to figure it out. 

If Mark has a crush then it’s fine, but he’s not going to sit and wait moping around. He’s determined to find someone else. And he might have an idea of who.

Mark goes off to find Sungyeon pretty soon, and he tries to have fun with the rest of the group, but can’t help to sulk a little. 

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Jaemin asks at some point. He can be a little bitch sometimes, but Donghyuck is glad to have him, glad that he kinda knows what he’s going through, glad that he tries to help.

He does want to go for a walk, have some time with his friend away from the kids. It also makes things easier for him to carry on with his plan of finding someone to forget about Mark, even if it’s just for the night.

“So, do you want to talk about it?” Jaemin asks after getting churros and sitting on a bench, away from all the people, where they can chat.

“Talk about what?” Donghyuck says, munching on his churro.

“Mark.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. He’s got a date, and I’ll get one soon enough.” 

Jaemin frowns, “what do you mean?” He asks, and Donghyuck points to the bumper cars, to a group of guys. “Is that Wong Yukhei?”

Donghyuck doesn’t answer. “Let’s go say hi.”

Donghyuck has maybe talked to Yukhei once or twice in his life, but he doesn’t care and walks up to the group of boys confidently. Jaemin is reluctant, but he goes with him anyways, because what else can he do? 

“Hey,” Donghyuck says, tapping Yukhei’s shoulder with a bright smile. “Having fun?”

Yukhei turns around and smiles at him. If he’s confused as to why Donghyuck’s talking to him, it doesn’t show. He looks like the kind of person who doesn’t mind talking to whoever starts a conversation with him.

“Yeah, I’ve been waiting for this weekend,” Yukhei replies.

He introduces the boy to his friends – Yangyang, Sicheng, Kunhang and Dejun – and says something about waiting for their turn in the bumper cars. Soon enough, Donghyuck and Jaemin are a part of the group.

“Want some?” Yukhei offers, lowkey swinging a silver flask in front of him, as if trying to hide it from the rest. 

Donghyuck doesn’t hesitate, even after noticing the way Jaemin is staring at him, warning him not to do it. “Yeah, sure,” he says, taking it. He can’t identify the alcohol, all he knows it that it tastes bad. But does he care? Absolutely not.

By the time their turn arrives, Donghyuck is already a little tipsy. He sticks to Yukhei when he sees Jaemin has no intention of going in and thinks to himself that he’s doing him a favor. 

After that they go on more rides, and it gets easier to flirt his way into Yukhei’s heart: compliments, teasing, and a lot of touching. Donghyuck is a sweet talker, he’s in his element, and for the most part he always gets what he wants. And right now he wants Yukhei.

All of them end up sitting on a bench again, passing the flask back and forth. Jaemin’s the only one who hasn’t had a sip, so Donghyuck leans towards him and whispers “are you okay? Do you wanna leave?”

Jaemin smiles at him. For some reason Donghyuck was expecting to notice some kind of sadness, but he doesn’t. Jaemin’s smile is genuine.

“Nah, I’m fine, I’m not leaving you alone,” he answers, tucking away a strand of Donghyuck’s hair that was getting into his eyes. “Besides, I’m here talking to Kunhang.”

⨳

Kissing Wong Yukhei is different. His hands, roaming through Donghyuck’s body, are big and feel hot against Donghyuck’s skin under his shirt. His arms, toned and firm, are a good place to grab for balance. His lips, plump and wide, kiss Donghyuck’s neck and make his skin tingle, kiss Donghyuck’s mouth and feel needy, intense. Not hesitant at all.

Donghyuck buries his hands in Yukhei’s hair, moaning softly into his mouth when Yukhei grabs his butt, and the older smirks, going for his neck again. That’s probably gonna leave a bruise.

Kissing Wong Yukhei is different. It’s overwhelming, and intense and  _ hot. _ And it is just what Donghyuck needed that night.

⨳

When Mark doesn’t mention anything about his date the next day, Donghyuck finds it weird. Hella weird. Not that he was waiting to hear every single detail, but since Mark was exposed, he’d been pretty enthusiastic about it. 

It’s weird because he doesn’t seem happy, not even that night on the ride back home, but Donghyuck, in his state, thought he was just sad he couldn’t hang out for longer. No, it looks like it didn’t go well.

So, against everything in his system telling him not to… He asks – because he’s a good friend.

“Mark, did something go wrong the other night?”

Mark avoids answering right away. “What? Why?”

“You don’t look so good,” Donghyuck shrugs.

This is as awkward for Donghyuck as it is for Mark. Maybe he’s all gloomy because Sungyeon didn’t want to kiss, or something like that. And he doesn’t know what to do, what to say to console him.

“Do you have anything you want to tell me?” He insists, because Mark seems a little reluctant to speak.

“No.” Mark finally says. “Sungyeon is great. As a friend. We didn’t click like that,” he explains shortly. “Now do  _ you _ have anything you want to tell me?”

Donghyuck frowns, confused. “What?”

“Jaemin told me you hooked up with Yukhei,” Mark confesses, without beating around the bush, and without looking directly at Donghyuck.

And, for a second, he considers drowning Jaemin and letting the ocean take care of his body. But then he reconsiders because, why would he? Why would he hide it from Mark? It’s not like Mark hides his crushes from him. It’s just as fair, and he shouldn’t be mad. They’re not a thing after all. He’s made it clear plenty of times that he’s not interested beyond having a little fun here and then.

“Oh, that. Yeah.”

“Were you not gonna tell me?” Mark asks, and there’s something in his eyes that Donghyuck can recognise immediately: sadness and hurt.

“What, do you still like him?” Donghyuck questions, not understanding where his friend is coming from. He hadn’t shown interest in Yukhei all summer, was he supposed to know?

“No, but…”

“Then why do you care so much?”

By the expression on his face, Mark takes the question as a personal attack. “What?”

“Yeah, if you don’t like Yukhei, why do you care? Why should I give you any explanations? It’s not like you give  _ me  _ any.” Donghyuck argues, and he’s starting to get a little riled up. He feels the heat rushing to his face.

“Hyuck…” Mark sighs, rubbing his eyes in frustration.

“No, explain yourself! Tell me!”

“I don’t like Yukhei,” Mark assures. “I…” Donghyuck raises an eyebrow, impatient. “I like _ you _ .”

At this moment, time stands still. Donghyuck feels dizzy, and he reaches for the closest thing he can hold on to for balance. He’s been waiting for this to happen for, like, years. He’s imagined it a million times: he’s imagined where – sometimes they are in the tree house, alone after a lazy afternoon, other times they’re on Donghyuck’s bed, at night, limbs tangled, so close he can feel Mark’s breath on his skin… others, it’s at sunset during a walk on the beach, – he’s imagined the words – maybe it would be a big, heartfelt speech, maybe just an  _ I love you _ after a specially sweet kiss on the tip of Donghyuck’s nose, – he’s imagined himself, drowning in happiness, so vividly he could feel the butterflies in his stomach, a tingling sensation that would make him giggle and bury his face in his pillow. 

But it’s happening. For real. And he wouldn’t have imagined it like this, not in a million years.

“What?” He whispers, unable to raise his volume. It completely takes him by surprise, it defeats him.

“You heard me,” Mark repeats, suddenly losing all his courage.

Donghyuck just stares at him, perplexed, not knowing what to say. 

“You’re lying. That’s not true.”

“Why would I lie, Hyuck?” Mark asks, sadness painted all over his face.

“If it’s true why wouldn’t you tell me earlier?” Donghyuck asks, gaining back the strength to speak out loud. “Why would you start seeing other people? I was so obviously in love with you all along!”

Mark’s lips form a perfect circle and a frown sits on his face. “You were?” He asks, incredulous.

“Yes! But that’s not the point!”

“But it  _ is _ !” Mark exclaims. “I never said anything because you never talked about it, or when you did you said it was just for fun! You kept sending me mixed signals, how in hell was I supposed to know?”

“ _ You _ were the one sending mixed signals!” Donghyuck retorts, frustrated. He feels betrayed, lied to even. But above all, he feels dumb as hell. How did he allow this whole thing to happen?

Mark takes a step back, calming himself down, putting everything together. 

“Why are we even fighting?” He asks. “It was just a whole misunderstanding, we can figure this out right? Make things right? We can still…”

_ Date. Be together. _ He doesn’t say it, but for once Donghyuck knows what he’s thinking. 

He feels the tears rushing to his eyes, it’s been hard keeping them to himself. He looks up at Mark, glassy eyes, red face, shaking his head.

“No, Mark.” He whispers, gently, trying not to hurt him too much with what he’s about to say. “I don’t think we can do that anymore.” 

“Wha– why?!”

“I… I just don’t think we’re right for each other after this.” Donghyuck explains, keeping his voice down. “We clearly don’t understand each other as well as we thought. We wouldn’t be here if we did.”

“But–” 

“I’m sorry.”

⨳

The next year, Donghyuck finds out Mark has a boyfriend when Jaemin shows him a picture of them on vacation. And he finds himself being happy for Mark. For real.

It’s been a long journey. An exhausting, and extremely hard one. It’s taken a toll on their friendship, but Donghyuck knows it was what it needed to happen. He was right, they weren’t good for each other, not in that way at least. Over time he realized he shouldn’t have let things go so far. He knew what he was getting into: heartbreak, and pain. And that wasn’t very nice to himself. Over time he realized that he needed to be kinder to himself, that he deserved to be happy. Besides, he couldn’t bare with the guilt of hurting Mark. 

Sometimes he wouldn’t be able to sleep, thinking about it. Thinking about things would have been if any of them were a little smarter, a little bit more mature. Maybe then things would have worked. But holding onto that thought only made things worse. It gave him hope. And that hope didn’t let him move on.

He’s over that already, though. He’s come to terms that they were not meant to be. Now, when he misses Mark, he doesn’t miss his touch, his kisses… He misses the inside jokes, the games, the talks, their group.

A year later, Donghyuck is over his crush on Mark. But he’s not over their friendship, a friendship as old as time. So, he thinks, it’s time. It’s time to make up for the lost time.

_ Hey, Mark, it’s Hyuck. I was just wondering… how’s everything going? Call me whenever. I’d love to catch up. _

**Author's Note:**

> so it's officially been a year (and a few days) since i posted part one, and now the series is complete! crazy!  
> this is my first markhyuck fic and i hope i won't get burnt at the stake so i can write them in more lighthearted situations fjhgj to be fair, i wasn't planning on writing this when i posted the first part to the series, but since someone asked... hehe  
> i wrote this over a long period of time, so i'm sorry if it's messy i did my best!  
> anyways tell me what you think! feedback is always welcome in this house ^^  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/cosmoIuda) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/cosmoIuda)


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